she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize