the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
this is an emotional support booty call
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
