after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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