Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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