it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
