they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
