Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize