but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
