sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I love you. Go after that dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
