Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
