oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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