too bad you live with your parents still
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
