i may or may not be watching the land before time
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
