Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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