you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
