I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I didn't notice because vodka
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
