I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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