Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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