There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
