I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
