is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
