i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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