He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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