my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
