Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I cut my penus on the lid.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
All the doctor said was why
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
