No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize