where am i from again
i will never coherently bang her
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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