I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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