if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
