This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you inspire me to be a worse person
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
