Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
