You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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