I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dear god my vagina.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
