Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize