I didn't shave. On purpose
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
