Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
