It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
