i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I AM VODKA MAN
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
