you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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