Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
