Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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