am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
