i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
