just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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