Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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