my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
