A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
