not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
