We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
