That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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