I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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