the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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