So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
sex in a hospital.. check
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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