i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
