does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
