Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
