Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
