At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize