Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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