So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
