Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize