I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
