is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
