i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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