bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
