She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
