Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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