I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
