he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
