Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize