i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
