Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
