I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
