I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
