i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I AM VODKA MAN
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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