I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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